Day Nineteen (Expression of A Broken Heart)

Good Evening my beautiful friends!!!!

Tonight I am doing something a little different…It has been almost a full decade since I have participated in poetry. I allowed the everyday routine of life to turn me into a machine. It is sad to avoid or suppress something that your so passionate about in order to become more and more numb to new arising situations. If you know me on a personal level than you know I am not one to cry openly or express any physical emotions among peers, no matter how deep the pain is…my husband can probably vouch for that. I could blame it on how I was culturally raised but I manage to maintain this wall and use it as a surviving mechanism. As a child I held tears back around others and made sure they came out on paper through my words. Now without my outlet the wall has manage to fall on me and a feeling of suffocation over comes my body, every time I hear news that is not in favor of my life. Thanks to a beautiful moment that happen the other day and the reading of some beautiful poetry the passion has emerged.

Strong and bold I must stand with no fear from life’s toughest demands

I refuse to show my weakness and vulnerability for I am his strength and line of stability

The first day his eyes met mine I vowed to protect him as long as God kept me alive

He is my heart, my soul, my love, my dreams, and my life as a whole…..everyday expressions I sing

So WHY!!!!! I scream internally, must my dear sweet perfect boy struggle with so many things

Can’t read, can’t write, struggles with his work every night. Doctor appointment here and there leaves me with little time to spare. What did I do wrong? How can I fix this? Damn it world keep back stay the hell out of my business…Frustration and anger takes over each day and than comes the sadness but I continue to pray. It’s just a learning disability nothing too extreme, so why do I feel hurt every parent and teacher meeting. Secretly hoping it will all go away and we will wake up and forget what people say. So what if he does not meet all of the norms, he will one day but even if he never did he would still hold my heart like he did from the start…What is the big deal? Is it the failure feeling or the restricted glass ceiling. There are already so many obstacles for him being a minority now I must stress over him being behind the majority. So my chest is on fire, my eyes so bright, my huge fake smile convincing him mommy is alright. I pause for a minute to catch my breath, I see my little man taking his steps, I run up behind him and embrace him tight shower him in kisses and tell him I love you baby and I promise you everything will be alright. I continue to hold him close with all of my might, he says mommy I love you but my friends and teacher are waiting, what he does not know is I need him more than he needs me to let me feel free of this cowardly disease. So no more shame, no more blame if my little man can handle it I know I better do the same.

Thank you  for taking time out to read my first poem after almost a decade please feel free to leave comments.

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3 thoughts on “Day Nineteen (Expression of A Broken Heart)

    1. I think of you every time I see your pictures with your beautiful son…oh my goodness I have to meet him…My Resh Treesshhh is a mother…I love you beautiful and Thanks you mean the world to me!!!

      Like

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