Day Twenty-Five (Taking Shots)

Good odd hour world!!!

So I apologize for posting so late, but I had a real occupying day. A question I have is….why do we take shots at each other in a marriage or relationship? I absolutely think it is the most detrimental thing for a relationship but people do it. I have always been one never to back down from a fight and I recognize now that this is my biggest flaw. I have always been this tough girl! I do not take crap off of people and I have quick comebacks and this was a strength and weakness. I still remember when I was a little girl arguing with my mother and her looking at me with this expression less face and saying you really know how to cut people with your mouth and you should be careful. Years of experience and continuously going at it, I saw many hurt faces cross my path. I always thought YES I won this battle and they should not have verbally attacked me in the first place, no remorse.

I am glad that as I got older less people picked fights with me. I no longer have a real issue with others but unfortunately my husband does not fall into the others category. So when I feel under attack the bullets fly so fast from my mouth piercing every inch of his heart. I know he tries to keep up and take shots back but I always win at the end or do I? I would have to say no! Although his head may drop, my heart is aching every minute I think he feels I do not love him or he is not what I want or I may leave him eventually. I never intended on him to feel that way and people say you just stop. They also say be quiet do not say anything, just shut your mouth CharDe and I think damn if it were that easy we would not be having this discussion. I try to sit quiet and I do keep my mouth shut but when I am verbally being attacked for a period of time I just black out and bring my best to the fight or I should say my worse. I think the first thing is acknowledging you have a problem, after owning it, search for a resolution, and go for the goal. (Praying)

I hate being verbally abusive to my spouse even if I feel justified.

I hate the aftermath feeling and the hurt.

I hate reacting to attacks.

I hate not being able to just be the quiet victim.

Well farewell for now A.K.A “A Work In Progress”

Couples Fighting Image found at http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1445284/images/o-COUPLES-FIGHTING-facebook.jpg

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11 thoughts on “Day Twenty-Five (Taking Shots)

  1. Interesting topic. I think somewhere there should be a level of understanding. I normally say my piece and as soon as it represents a conflict, i just let it go, which makes the situation worse but I don’t tend to argue with things I can’t control. Know how I feel and either work with it or move on. I can be persuaded but not in an argumentative atmosphere.

    But I guess we do this to each other one because we are comfortable and we have an expectation that our significant others know us well enough to know where we are coming from. Sad thing is that is so not true. We are only left with the lasting impression of what we last spoke about. Take into consideration we change everyday its almost impossible.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You definitely nailed it. I cannot argue with that I do make the mistake of thinking he knows me well enough to know where I am coming from. You are wise and I will definitely take that under consideration. I know the lasting impression sticks because it comes up in future conversation. You are soooo right!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. yes its very important to go back sometimes and talk about the growth you’ve experienced. I find that I struggle with that part. Going back and saying when I said this, it was because x,y,z. But we’re also human we’re doomed creatures who can’t help how strongly we feel about certain aspects of life we travel through.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I, too, have a quick tongue. I was in counseling and the therapist said this to me once: you can be right, or you can be in relationship. I never forgot that. It was literally a matter of practicing mindfulness (far from perfect, but dedicated). As time progressed, slowing myself down has proven to be very helpful. What I love, however, is the fact that you care. All change starts with that. Many blessings as you and hubby grow. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My mother said something similar to me. I think she said you can be right or you can stay married lol she is a therapist. I will get it is not always about being right *hopefully* ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  4. Throughout life I have walked a fine line between an arguments anyone, saying no to a teacher, parents, girlsfriends and the syndrome went round and round. If I take the high road and am the bigger person they win and learned nothing. If I speak up I am a bully and worse. They take the lask of an immediate attack as a foot in the door. Sometimes we can take it and sometimes we can’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for replying with that perspective. I think you and I think similar when it comes to not always being the bigger person and letting them learn nothing. I feel like some stuff you need to shut it down or check a person so the issue hopefully does not come up in the future. I agree with the picking your battles because some stuff does not require you to take it there. Thank you for reminding me of this and I will keep this in mind. Oh and I have been called a bully and worse for speaking up too so your not alone ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes we definitely think we have similar experiences. I wish I wasn’t typing in the dark though. With this ideal we can’t lose. We are ready to argue but also passive. So people never know what they will get from us. I like being more assertive but we both know that sometimes is worse and unless it is the right time to we have to take the high road.

        Liked by 1 person

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