Good Evening My Lovely Friends!!!
I woke up this morning feeling well rested and no particular reason to feel indifferent towards anyone. I notice after a couple of hours my day was going to be a battle to stay positive. I told my husband over the phone that I felt annoyed, irritable, unmotivated, uncaring, disappointed, and sadness with no legitimate explanation. He ask how long has this been going on with me? I explain to him that since I was a child these emotions would come and go as they please frequently. Since the past couple of years the frequency has declined dramatically thank God. He said do you know the reason why? I said I do not know for sure but I am assuming because of a chemical imbalance. I think I remember my pediatrician mentioning that as a possibility when I was a teen.
I think the most annoying thing about this chemical imbalance is that you can feel it coming and know the mood swing is creeping up on you, but cannot stop it. I lacked self control in my younger years so I was a pistol. The good news is I have a lot more self control now and can keep it under wraps pretty good. I thought it was weird just casually talking about it with my husband like yeah no big deal. I think I do not allow it to be a big deal and therefore it does not have as much power over me as it could. It is a fight but I am a fighter! I literally walk away a lot from hubby and kids during this mood change, so I can remain nonchalant and not become feisty over knickknack situations.
The fact that I am aware of this ongoing pattern helps prepare me. I know it will pass and everything will be cool again. It just sucks having such a sour and weak mood. It could be a good thing, I do not know how exciting life would be if everyday was hugs and kisses, flowers and rainbows, and all that good stuff. I do not think I would relate to anybody on this planet if all of my days were picture perfect! So I like to think I am normal even if some chemical in me is imbalance 😉