Day Fifty-Two (Dark Thoughts)

Good Evening World!!!!

Tonight I was just sitting and thinking about past incidence or situations, that were quite disturbing. I absolutely hate when this happens to me. I hate reminiscing about previous arguments or disagreements between my hubby and I. The thing that sucks most about it is I can feel myself getting pissed off at him all over again. I ask him how do you keep yourself from thinking about things that took place between us in the past when our marriage was going through the storm? He said I just think about the future and us progressing. There is no need to think about the past because I am thinking about our future together now to me this is a textbook answer. I do not know how genuine he is with that reply and I find it hard to believe he never has one angry or even hurtful thought about me from the past.

It could just be an issue I face alone! The thoughts come random and do no necessarily have to be triggered by us arguing currently or bad blood between us. We could be doing perfectly fine and they flood my mind. Now the question is why? Why do these thoughts still disturb me? Why do I still feel anger when I think of old situations? We both forgave each other for any past mistakes made and agreed to move past the darkness. So why do the dark thoughts randomly surface? I wish I could just let go and permanently forget about any wrong or bad that ever took place between us. Is this normal or not normal? I feel horrible when they enter my mind, especially when we are smiling at each other and things are peachy. It is like a negative attack on the positive state of mind or the dark trying to find it’s way into the light. I better pray about it and seek some serenity. It is easier said then done. I mean realistically I wonder how many people in a marriage or relationship go through the many challenges that get thrown their way and actually make the changes to make things last or improve, but still randomly get haunted by the past shitty thoughts. If only………………

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6 thoughts on “Day Fifty-Two (Dark Thoughts)

    1. See you say it so easily. This is where it gets challenging for me. People say don’t focus on the negative….people being my mom, husband, and friends. I think my problem is the thought rushing in my head. I do not believe we can control every thought entering our mind. I do not feel I am focusing on the negative but it randomly jumps in my head. I just do not like the random thoughts quickly peeking it’s ugly face in even if I close the door on it fast. I think the choice you have after the thought is to go happy or go dark. My question is do those random thoughts eventually disappear or stop coming and if yes how long does it take?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sure dear, i know you are not focusing on the negative. Thought gain entrance through our heart so it is important to decide not to let what you don’t want into your heart and yes the thoughts will come i have them too but i know that what you dont give attention too will not give you direction, ignore them n replace them with good ones

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I get what your saying just pretty much disregard the thoughts and do not give them a chance to grow. So just put all my attention to the positive ones and everything should fall in place and be fine. Thank you so much! You are absolutely right 🙂 it just sucks going through it!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I often, naturally, focus on the negative as well. Yes, there are situations that still have me steaming about something he has done, but then I think about how he puts up with ME. He might make a mistake once and yes, I am livid, but then I remember, I’m not perfect, and he still loves me, unconditionally. I think if you focus on how much he still loves you (proven by how he doesn’t dwell on past mistakes), instead of how he may have hurt you, you might find some peace with it. I hope this helps, even a little!

    Liked by 2 people

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